Sonic Uncut
by SilentAltair
Summary: Things you don't see in the games or the comics or the show. Wait! I'm alive?
1. Olympics

I do not own any of the Sonic characters just so you know, I only own Alexander.

* * *

Location: Beijing

Event: The Olympic Games

**Things you didn't see at the Olympics**

The day had finally arrived, Mario and Sonic were going to face off at the Olympics today. Already you could see the legendary icons and their teams squaring off in the middle of the stadium. The entire crowd could just feel the intensity of the glares they where giving each other, they were less than a few feet away.

On Team Mario there was Luigi, Peach, Daisy, Yoshi, Wario, Waluigi, Bowser, and Mario himself.

On Team Sonic there was Dr. Eggman, Knuckles, Tails, Amy, Blaze, Shadow, Vector, and Sonic himself.

For awhile neither team moved.

Sonic stared at Mario

Tails stared at Luigi

Mario stared at Tails

Luigi stared at Sonic

Amy stared at Waluigi's stick like body

Daisy stared at Eggman's lard tight wearing form

Blaze stared at the booger in Bowers left nostril

Yoshi stared at Knuckles rather big forehead

Shadow stared at Peach's chest

Wario farted

The sound of Wario farting startled both teams and caused them to fly at each other, thinking that the other side was attacking.

"I'm going to kick your imperial butt!" Sonic shouted.

"You wish you could kick it you-a dirty boy!" Mario retaliated.

"You know what, screw this fight, I'm going to beat you on the race track!"

* * *

It wasn't long before Mario, Sonic, Bowser, Eggman, Tails, Luigi, Peach, and Blaze found themselves in the middle of the race track ready to get on with the first events. While Mario and Sonic where glaring at each other, Eggman was talking into a communicator that was on his arm.

"Ok you got the plan right?"

"Yesssssss sir Mr. Eggman, I am in a perfect ssssssspot to shot down anyone that tries to get in front of you."

"Good, as you know I will never really be on Sonic's team."

After a good few minutes of stretches everybody lined up on the starting line while Cream the Rabbit stud by with a gun in her hands.

BANG

She shot the gun and everybody started off with Sonic and Mario in the lead, Eggman however was dead last.

Meanwhile on the other side of the stadium, one Alexander the Snake (Read Tails and Knuckles to find out about him) stood, in his arms he held a sniper rifle and was pointing it at the race track. He had a very disgusted look on his face.

"That stupid lard asssssssss probably didn't even exercise for the games, oh well, time to get paid."

He got his rifle and looked threw the scoop, pointing it at Sonic.

"Time to say goodbye Missssssster Hedgehog."

Meanwhile on another part of the stadium the officials unwisely let Amy Rose have a turn shooting a gun in the shooting event.

"Weeeeeee!! Shooting guns is fun, no wonder Shadow has a whole collection in his closet!"

Everyone started to duck and cover as the hyperactive pink hedgehog started to shoot in all directions. One of the bullets came over to where Alexander was standing and hit his gun but he was able to get a shot off before falling to the ground.

He hit Eggman…

… in the ass.

"HHHHHOOOOOOOO!! BULLETS IN THE AAAAAASSSSSSSSSS!!" Screamed Eggman as he rolled along the ground in pain.

Alexander looked on shocked, feeling that he might get a pay cut.

* * *

Sonic, Shadow, Yoshi, and Mario were getting ready for the triple jump event, when Silver the Hedgehog came in and stood in front of them.

"Hey guys how come I was not invited to the games?" Silver asked.

"Because we all know that you would cheat in every event by using your powers." Shadow answered.

"Oh yeah! I bet that I could jump ten meters in this event without using them."

Both Sonic and Shadow laughed at this.

"Silver you can't even play hopscotch, so there is no way you can do a triple jump."

"Well watch this."

Silver lined up at the starting line and prepared himself to run, when suddenly it looked like something caught his eye.

"Hey is that Amy and Rouge with new boyfriends?"

Sonic and Shadow turned around… but they saw nothing. When they turned back around Silver was in the sand at the ten meter mark.

"Yes! Yes yes yes yes yes! I told you I could do it!" Silver gloated.

Sonic was mad. "Now that is bull, you just lied that you saw our girls with other men! There is no way you did that jump!"

"I saw Amy and Rouge with other guys and I did do that jump." Silver insisted.

"No he-a didn't he used some powers and floated, me and Yoshi saw it."

Apparently Silver had forgotten about Mario and Yoshi, and even though Sonic despised Mario in every way possible, he knew that he was an honest man.

"Silver you jerk we are going to kick your ass!" Sonic shouted.

Sonic proceeded to kick Silver between the legs.

Mario launched several fireballs at him.

Yoshi pinched his nipples.

And Shadow finished him off by using Chaos control and teleporting Silver to the other side of the stadium and dropping him from thirty feet in the air.

"Ow ow ow ow ow how did I not see that coming?" Muttered Silver.

* * *

Shadow and Luigi where jumping over hurdles, they are way out front in the lead and are side by side. During the time Luigi had been jumping the hurdles a feeling had been swelling up inside of him, and no it was not that feeling, it was the feeling to shout out a name.

As both he and Shadow jumped over another hurdle at the same time, he couldn't take it anymore, he tilted his head back and shouted out…

"Daisy!"

When Shadow heard Luigi's call, he couldn't hold at in any longer either.

"Maria!"

"DDDDAAAAIIIISSSSYYYY!!"

"MMMMAAAARRRRIIIIAAAA!!"

* * *

Tails could be seen stretching, getting ready for the water events. Sonic walked by him in a puffy lifejacket. Tails held back his laughter.

He stopped his stretches when he noticed a shadow loom over him, he turned around to find none other than…

"Dr. Eggman!?"

Eggman looked at him confused.

"Eggman? I'm not Eggman, I'm…"

Eggman than does a transformer and turns into…

"Metal Sonic!"

Princess Peach comes up to Tails.

"And I'm not really Peach, I'm… Princess Zelda!"

"What! Your Zelda and he's Metal Sonic?"

"You got it!"

Blaze comes up next.

"And I'm actually a Princess from the future!"

Tails looked between all of them confused as hell

"What's up with all of you? Well you know what, I got something to tell you all! I'm not really Tails! In reality I'm…"

A bright light shined on Tails and he suddenly morphed into a giant figure with two large hands beating on a drum.

"Bongo Bongo!"

Sonic saw the entire event.

"Damn… who saw that coming?"


	2. Villian Meeting

**Thanks to the people who reviewed last chapter, I hope this is at least a little funny, I really don't consider myself to be a funny person. Please review.**

Time: 8:15 p.m.

Location: Egg Carrier III

In the heart of the Egg Carrier we can see a room, darkness seems to mask all corners of the walls. In the middle of the room one light shone on a lone circular table with chairs surrounding it. In these chairs eight figures could be seen, their bodies hidden by darkness.

"Damnit Eggman! Could you turn the lights back on!?" Shouted one of the figures.

"Oh fine… I was just going for a little dramatic effect."

The lights came on and the figures could be seen. They are Dr. Eggman, Black Doom, Mephiles, Jet the Hawk, Wave the Swallow, Metal Sonic, Alexander the Snake, and surprisingly Mighty the Armadillo.

"Much better" Jet

Eggman stood up, cleared his throat and prepared to make a long boring speech none would really like to hear.

"First of all I would like to welcome you all to the very first meeting of villains and…"

"Eggman I command your pardon, but we have one person here who isn't a villain." Black Doom

"Well Mighty here hasn't been in any games because the guy who created him quit Sonic Team."

"That's right mates! Now days I've been looking for revenge against everyone who helped in my getting kicked out of the Sonic franchise." Mighty

"Back up, you just said the guy who created you quit Sonic Team… so how are you here?" Mephiles

"Oh don't worry about that… I… talked to him."

"He stole the contract to him and left." Metal Sonic

"Shut it you traitorous robot! Damn it, why do my ultimate creations always betray me?"

"I'm not talking about Mighty I was referring to myself, I'm not I villain because I tried to save humanity."

"By destroying it?"

"They were going to destroy themselves eventually, I was just helping them along the way so future generations would not have to suffer."

"Could we just call you a villain? Otherwise you can't be here."

"Very well than."

"Good as I was saying, Welcome all villains to the first…"

"Hold on a second here!"

"Damn it, What do you want this time Jet!"

Jet stood up from his seat and pointed an accusing finger at Alexander the snake. "What the hell is that no eyelid freak doing here!? He's a fan character, he shouldn't have the right to be here!"

"Well we really don't have that many villains that were available now, so I invited him to are little gathering."

"Plusssssss my abilities would defiantly help." Alexander hissed.

"What abilities? You haven't even got into an actual fight yet, for all we know your abilities could be outer crap."

"What about that one time a beat Sssssssilver?"

"Oh you mean in that one story Tails and Knuckles? He wasn't allowed to use his speed or his psycho-whatever abilities in that one chapter. Let's face it, if Silver was allowed to use his powers, than you would have had your scaly ass handed to you."

"I would suggest that you sit down misssssster Hawk… that is unless you wouldn't mind me tasting your flesh."

Jet stared at him for a moment before he burst out laughing. "Hahahahaha! Are trying to flirt with me are something? Because I don't swing that way."

Wave however shuddered. "He said the same thing to me the first time we met."

Mephiles was the next to speak. "I think we know why where're all here Eggman you told us over the phone, you want us all to band together to defeat Sonic and his friends, only thing is we are kind of outnumbered with Team Sonic, Team Rose, Team Dark, Team Chaotix, and maybe Silver and Blaze."

"Well I do have my robot army ready to kick some ass."

"Yeah well… we all have are little minions, but lets face facts… they suck." Black Doom said.

Everyone in the room had to agree with this.

"But do not worry, I have devised a brilliant plan that will crush those Sonic fools."

"I hope it's better than the plan on how to keep Sonic out of your base."

* * *

Black Doom and Shadow were standing in a open plan near one of his bases.

"Its good that you came Shadow, even though I know you betrayed me three times already, I'm going to trust you with the secret on how to get into my base. You see if someone like Sonic were to come, we would not be able to get threw these doors unless he killed my six guards first."

Shadow was about to speak until one of Black Doom's guards came up and hit him in the back of the head. Shadow got his gun and shot a round threw its head.

"Shadow what are you doing! Don't kill my men!"

"Well could you tell your men not to hit me!?"

"No… now what do you think of my plan?"

"Fascinating… so how do we get?"

"Well you see that's the brilliant part! You see if someone like Sonic were to come, we would not be able to get threw these doors unless he killed my six guards first."

"I know that… but how do _we _get in?"

"Well you see that's the brilliant part! You see if someone like Sonic were to come, we would not be able to get threw these doors unless he killed my six guards first."

"I know that but how do **we** get in?"

"Well you see that's the brilliant part! You see if someone like Sonic were to come…"

"ERRRRRRRAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

Shadow than drew his gun and proceeded to kill Doom's remaining men.

"Shadow you have betrayed me… again!"

* * *

"In my defense I was drunk that time."

"If you ask me what we need is more members… I'll give someone a call." Mephiles than got out his cell phone and typed in a few numbers.

"Were the hell do you keep that cell phone, your ass?" Jet

"No! It's none of your concern Jet, now shut up he's answering. Hello friend how are you doing?"

"…"

"Don't call me buddy pal!"

"…"

"Don't call me guy guy!"

"…"

"Whatever… anyway I heard you get kicked out of the group and was wondering if you wouldn't mind helping me and a couple of pals to destroy Sonic and his friends?"

"…"

"Good see you there."

Mephiles hung up. "Well he said he would be here tomorrow."

"Well what are we supposed to do till than?" Wave asked.

"Well you all could sleep here I love sleepovers!" Eggman clapped his hands happy with the notion.

Alexander however winced.

"I don't know Eggman… remember our first days sleeping together?"

* * *

Eggman and Alexander were in the Egg Carrier III at night. For some reason he only had one bedroom at the monument, but fortunately the bed was actually a bunk bed.

Eggman who was in his pajamas squealed in excitement. "Come Alexander lets get to bed but remember I get the top bunk!"

Alexander took off his gray trench coat and got into the bottom bunk.

Ten minutes passed

_Creak_

Alexander opened his eyes err… no wait their always open (No eyelids) wondering were that noise came from.

Eggman sighed. "Alexander… you don't know how much it means to me that you are on my side."

_Creak_

"Ro-butt-lick… You better not becoming out of the clossssssset now."

"But I'm not gay!"

_Creak_

"Sssssssure your not."

As soon as Eggman laid back down on his bunk, the entire bed collapsed, Eggmans bunk falling on top of Alexander, Eggman himself remained unharmed.

"Good night Alexander."

* * *

"Nonsense, Get the bunks ready!"

"Damnit."


	3. Crimson Charles

I don't own anything Sonic related.

* * *

Sir Charles Hedgehog stared at the Lynx across from him.

"You see, a long time ago I was walking through the Ancient Forest. My boys and I where sent down there by local govt. A bandit was causing trouble by stealing gems one tribe of felines where using to bribe the wolfs so they wouldn't hurt them.

Now one day I see a little girl playing with a gem the size of your head! We than discovered that he had been throwing them away."

The Lynx blinked and spoke for the first time. "Than why steal them?"

Charles shrugged his shoulders. "Good sport I think. What i'm trying to say is, there are some people in this world that just want to watch the world burn."

"How did you catch him?"

"We burned the forest down."

A long pause.

"...You burned the forest down."

"We burned it down." Charles confirmed.

"...You burned down the entire forest."

"We burned the whole thing down."

"...Why would you do that?"

"To catch him of course." Charles smiled at Crimson Lynx, running a finger across his mustache.

"...You just said this man wanted to watch the world burn so you burn down the forest? You gave him what he wanted, you just did him a favor."

Crimson than stared to rub just above his brows, a habit he did when someone really started to annoy him.

"Charles... I have never in my life been told a story that level of useless in my entire life. I mean what type of knowledge am I supposed to take from that story? If I where to map that story to my current predicament, you just told me to burn down all of New Mobotropolis."

For the first time in his life, Sir Charles found himself at a loss of words.

"Um... well I..."

"Realize what you said now? Alexander is the bandit, you are me, and the city is the forest and you just told me to burn the entire thing down. You know Charles I can't really burn down the city because my goal is to protect it, so burning it down would be a little... counterproductive!

You know i'm at in in-pass in my life and i'm brooding more in my life than usual, which you know is a pretty big amount as is. Right now I have some psycho Snake running around like an asshole, bombing the city and making my life a living hell, me questioning what i'm doing here and what I want to do with my life.

And now I have some senile son of a bitch telling me the only way to solve my problems is to burn down the f***ing city!

Charles i'm already a man close to the edge, if you haven't noticed I dress up in an assassins creed outfit and go around beating the shit out of people!

Oh! And I have feelings for an A.I.

Yes! I have the hots for a computer program and it pisses me off when people like you make fun of me for and say 'You only want to date her because you can't get a real woman.' She is a woman damn it!

And Now your telling me to burn down the f***ing city! What makes you think i'm so far away a person that would do that?

What if this conversion was the thing that sent me over the edge!?

What if I went right now I burned down the city because you told me to? How would your old man heart feel than?"

Charles simply stood where he is, eyes downcast wishing his nephew was here.

"I have never in my life been told a story that level of useless before. The only thing this story told me about you is that you are a massive, unrepentantive son of a bitch.

You just told me you committed an act of eco terrorism.

You burned down an entire forest to catch a bandit... a f***ing bandit! He's just a thief!

Are you telling me a bandit is more important than the thousand of animals you just killed? Maybe there was a little animal Lynx in there to! You just killed my distant family you dumb ass,you killed him!

Your an animal holocaust, that's what you are!

If I was your commander and you told me you just burned down a forest in general, I don't care the purpose, I would say WHAT THE F*** ARE YOU DOING!

I would have loved to have been at the meeting when you gave the idea to do this. 'Hey guys lets burn the forest down! Duhhhhhh OK!'

Is that how it went down? Was there really no one there that said 'Hey guys maybe this isn't a good idea.'

Well f*** you and your f***ing friends!

You know you burned the gems to right! Great now let the war between felines and wolfs continue!

I can see Lupe and her smoking hot body running down a hill while the cats get one last look of her super tight blue body suit before being stabbed though the chest with a spear!

So great job... nice f***ing story.

...

...

...

You know Charles I do have to think you though, you have taken my mind off of Alexander.

I do think I hate you more than I hate Alexander, so thank you, you are useful for something. How you got to be the member of the Acorn Council with that story under your belt i'll never know, maybe voters are getting dumber every year.

You know what I do feel like going and burning down the city, just to show you the extent you fail as an advisor. Just for that reason, just to show how stupid you are.

Now get the f*** out of here before I do something reasonable like be the shit out of your old ass."

Charles simply stared at Crimson for a few monuments before slowly walking out the front door of his own house.

* * *

Please R&R

Don't hate Charles even though I was mean to him here.

My OC Crimson was the one talking to him, just wanted to introduce him.


End file.
